We all have thoughts that invade our brains from time to time and mess with our moods. We all get down.

Whether it’s your job, your social life, your family, or something completely different, sometimes the negativity can be too much.

“We all have it. We all have it,” says Mark Reinecke, a professor emeritus of psychology and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine.

Natalie Dattilo, PhD, a clinical health psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, agrees.

“Thoughts that we have that we would classify as negative or unhelpful are pretty normal. We all have thoughts that somebody might say, ‘Oh that’s kind of negative.’ “

Sometimes it is, and sometimes that’s just kind of an accurate description of a bad situation.”

But what can you do about those negative thoughts?

They may be common, but negative thoughts aren’t harmless or to be taken lightly. Research shows that having them over and over, while you have depression and anxiety, can lead to serious emotional and physical problems.

A bout of negative thinking now and then or a random negative thought here or there may not mean much. But having them over and over for a period of time can quickly overwhelm a person. Using words like never or always — “It’s always going to be like this,” or “I’m never going to be any good” — are a red flag.

Ruminating — dwelling on negative thoughts — can be dangerous.

“People often talk about thought loops and thought spirals, this sort of chaining of bad things,” Dattilo says. “It does tend to snowball. And that’s the part where it can become problematic.

“It’s less about the content of the thought, and more about the process, and the inability to let it go, having it run through your mind over and over and over again,” she says “Those tend to be negative for people. People are rarely ruminating on other things.”

How can you tell that the way that you’re thinking is doing more harm than good?

“Is it affecting your relationships? Is it affecting your work? Is it leading you to do things that are really harmful, like alcohol and drug use? Are the ways that you’re coping with it getting you into trouble? If they are, you probably need to talk to somebody,” Reinecke says.

“If it’s persistent, if it goes on for more than 2 weeks, if you just can’t get out of this cycle, you probably need to talk to somebody.

“If you have suicidal thoughts, and particularly if you make any behavior — you write a suicide note or pick up that bottle of pills in the medicine cabinet — you need to talk to somebody,” he says.

Reinecke suggests several ways to help break the grip of negative thinking. Many of the methods he suggests fall under the umbrella of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a treatment that focuses on ways to change unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving.

“Sometimes the answer is right there in front of you,” Dattilo says.

Friends and family members can help by staying engaged with, and not withdrawing from, those who are wrangling with unhealthful ways of thinking. Acknowledging their point of view, maybe offering a sympathetic ear — “Well, sounds like you have a lot on your mind,” or “Do you think it would help to think about it like this?” — can be useful.

Certainly, professional help is always an option. The key to quelling harmful, negative thoughts may be more in how we think, rather than what we think.

“There’s a lot of people who tend to see the world [as] glass half-empty but believe that they’re fully justified in the way that they see it,” Dattilo says. “My job isn’t to necessarily argue with them about that, or to convince them to see the world differently.

“My question to them would be, ‘How does it make you feel to think that way?’ And if your goal is to feel better, or have better relationships, or to have more fun, ‘Does thinking like that help you?’ “

You have an important dinner to attend tonight after work and the clothes you need are at the cleaners. The dry cleaner will be closed by the time you leave the office, so your partner has graciously agreed to pick the clothes up for you. But when you get home, your partner looks up, claps a hand over their mouth, and gasps, “Your dry cleaning!”

You can’t believe it. Your pulse quickens, your face flushes, you want to scream. What do you do next? Do you take a beat? Do you unleash your wrath, or do you push all your hard feelings down?

Anger itself is a perfectly healthy and even useful emotion. But the way you express your angry feelings can be more harmful than whatever it was that made you angry in the first place.

“Anger tends to get a bad rap as an emotion that we want to avoid when in reality it’s a very valid and important emotion,” says Erin S. Bullett, PhD, director of the Psychological Services Clinic at the University of Missouri. “But not all expressions of anger or the behaviors that we pair with anger are useful.”

Anger is a biological reaction — part of the “fight-or-flight” response. This survival mechanism may have helped keep the earliest humans alive in the face of threats. It prompts the body to respond in a bad situation, whether that response is to fight back or run away.

While people today may not face the same threats to their lives that their earliest ancestors did, anger still serves an important purpose.

“Anger can motivate us to engage in change behavior if, for example, an important goal is being blocked, if someone we care about is being threatened or attacked, or if we feel disrespected or like we have lost power,” Bullett says. “Both physical and emotional pain can elicit anger for us.”

When you get mad, it can also be what’s called a secondary emotion. That is, it’s the result of another emotion, such as jealousy or fear.

You can usually express a secondary emotion, says Ashley Hicks, PhD, director of The Ohio State University Couple and Family Therapy Clinic, in a way that won’t make you feel as vulnerable or exposed as the primary emotion would. “So, often when we think we are angry, what we are really feeling is hurt, embarrassed, afraid, abandoned, or like we are not in control,” Hicks says.

True, anger is an important emotion that tells you, “something is wrong, off balance, or unfair, and that it needs to change,” Hicks says.

But when your body is in fight-or-flight mode, you are under stress. Occasional stress is necessary, but constant stress, which includes anger, can be harmful to your health.

Research shows that anger is a risk factor for heart disease. When you feel it all the time, it can raise your risk for high blood pressure, stroke, ulcers, and intestinal diseases. It may also delay wound healing and increase the risk for certain cancers.

For these reasons, it’s smart to learn to manage and diffuse this beast in healthy ways.

First, you have to know what anger feels like in your body to begin with before you can evaluate it as constructive or destructive, Hicks says. “Since we often believe that anger is a bad thing that we should dismiss or avoid completely, we start to ignore the symptoms of it.”

The next time you feel angry, stop and take stock of how that feels in your body to help you build awareness. Does your pulse quicken? Does your jaw tighten? Do you cry?

Some signs that you might be on the verge of flipping your lid include feeling hot or flushing, a pounding heart, or raising your voice. “These can be signs that we are prone to act on our anger in ways that may be less adaptive,” Bullett says.

Perhaps the reddest flag of all, she adds, is whether your heated emotions lead you to behave in a way that you have regretted behaving in the past. Maybe you say unfair and hurtful things to the person who has upset you. Maybe you storm out and trigger a silence between the two of you that lasts for days.

But how can you get off that collision course for a blow-up or a stand-off and get a hold of yourself before it’s too late?

Make no mistake, it’s hard to see a situation clearly when you’re seeing red. But that’s what you need to learn to do if you want to express your feelings in healthy, rather than harmful, ways.

Practicing mindfulness when you’re not angry can help you build the skills you need to be mindful when you are angry. Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present in the moment, aware of what you are thinking and feeling, down to the most minute sensations, without being overwhelmed by the situation or overly reactive to it.

Learning how to be mindful in benign situations, such as when you are eating or brushing your teeth, can help you call on those skills in heated moments.

And the benefits of mindfulness when anger strikes are many.

“It can help with emotional regulation and help you slow down in the moment so that you don’t engage in those angry behaviors,” Bullett says.

When you are angry, before you react, Bullett advises that you ask yourself what your assumptions are about the incident versus what you know to be a fact.

You might assume, for example, that someone cut you off in traffic because they are a thoughtless jerk. But in reality, you probably don’t have any facts about the other driver. That driver may be on the way to an emergency or having a bad day, which made them careless in traffic.

You can also check the facts about yourself at that moment. Ask yourself, for example, whether your feelings are warranted or whether you are tired or stressed and that’s why you responded angrily.

Emotions express themselves in physical ways in the body, Hicks says. “So we need to release that angry energy from our bodies.”

If you’ve decided, in your moment of mindfulness, not to pursue a discussion or an argument about the events that made you mad, you may need to release that negative energy in other ways. Maybe it’s as simple as screaming into a pillow or taking a deep breath and counting to 10.

But you may need ongoing channels for angry energy. Learn your triggers, Bullett suggests. Maybe you are most prone to getting mad after a long day at work or when bills are due. Find an outlet for angry energy on those days when you’ve been triggered and may be prone to bad behavior.

“You can learn to channel anger in a way that can be useful. Intense exercise can help shift our mood,” Bullett says, “Or, you know, there’s a reason why ‘rage cleaning’ is a thing.”

Just keep in mind, anger, like all your other feelings, is a valid emotion. Oftentimes, in fact, it is indisputably warranted. It’s letting anger get the best of you and your relationships that should be avoided.