At what age are we “too old” to do something — like drive a car, manage our finances, or live on our own? That’s a question many older people ask themselves, as do the people in their lives. But it’s really the wrong question. The right question is, “What do we do if our abilities start to change?”

Age truly is just a number. Our minds and bodies age at very different rates depending on our genetics, health history, and lifestyle. There are 100-year-olds who are as sharp as a tack, and 70-year-olds who have dementia. There are 95-year-olds who go for a two-mile walk every day, and 65-year-olds who’ve fallen and broken a hip and now need to use a walker.

I should know. I practiced geriatrics for many years, and I’ve seen astounding variations among my patients.

The Negative Impact of Ageism

When you make assumptions about what someone can do based on their age, it’s called ageism. It’s a form of discrimination, and it’s very damaging.

It’s bad enough that older people are often not taken seriously or respected in social situations. But when you raise your voice at someone because you believe they may have difficulty hearing, or you remove their car keys because you are concerned about their ability to drive safely, it can be very disrespectful and hurtful. And it can be very damaging to their self-esteem and make them feel isolated and depressed.

The Reality of Declining Health

On the other hand, people are more likely to have certain health issues the older they get — from cancer to heart problems, osteoporosis, and cognitive decline. And some of these can impair our ability to do a variety of things or do them safely.

It is these specific health problems, not our age, that limit what we’re capable of.

Evaluating Functional Ability

Determining what someone is capable of should be based on their actual physical or mental limitations. And even if they’re faltering in one area, that doesn’t mean they’re impaired in others.

Keep an eye out for activities that someone may be struggling with. If you see a problem that threatens their safety or independence, try to gently and compassionately bring about a change.

Coping with Decline

It’s hard for people to accept it when they’re no longer able to do certain things. They may feel shame, embarrassment, frustration, anger, or even fear. It’s very common for them to be in denial about these difficulties long after everyone else has noticed them.

If someone is struggling to perform an everyday task, bringing it to their attention can be very uncomfortable. It may help to loop their doctor into the conversation. People are sometimes more willing to listen to a health professional than a friend, spouse, or family member.

When our functional ability is decreasing in one area or another, there are accommodations that can help us carry on with our lives — like getting hearing aids, for example.

Try to make the least restrictive changes possible. For example, if a loved one is having trouble with their night vision — a very common problem — maybe they shouldn’t be driving at night. But if their daytime driving is fine, there’s no reason to try to limit that. The American Automobile Association has some resources that may be helpful in navigating these issues around driving.

But when functional decline reaches a certain point, some changes may need to be made. If a person is clearly not in control of their vehicle, it’s irresponsible and dangerous to let them keep driving. Whether they like it or not, somehow you need to get them to stop.

Similarly, if someone is ignoring their bills or falling victim to one scam after another, a court may need to appoint a guardian of the estate to take control of their finances.

Support for Caregivers

People often need more and more care over time, and their functional abilities can decline very quickly. Always plan several steps ahead about how you’ll respond to these changes.

It’s also very helpful if you and your loved one have done some advance care planning, to know what kinds of health care they do or do not want if they can’t speak for themselves.

Caregiving can be a huge responsibility. It can gobble up your time, energy, and resources. It can be overwhelming and exhausting. My advice is, get support!

I’m very happy to share that Independence Blue Cross (IBX) is working with Carallel, an independent company, to offer wraparound support to the caregivers of our Medicare Advantage plan members. I’m confident this will improve outcomes and quality of life for both caregivers and their loved ones.

Being Your Own Caregiver

Some people have no one to give them care. When our abilities decline and we have to deal with this on our own, that’s a scary position to be in!

All counties have agencies devoted to supporting older people. Please contact them for help getting the services you need.

IBX members can also call our Registered Nurse Health Coaches, who can help them navigate these challenges.

Summing Things Up

It’s unfair and discriminatory to judge someone based on their age…but it happens far too often.

At the same time, certain health problems can impair our ability to function. Then we need to adjust our actions accordingly.

As a society, we need to be better about treating our aging population with compassion, respect, and care. I’m hoping this article will help evolve people’s views around this.

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Website last updated: 11/18/2024